The Fight Against ISIS: The Daily Show

The Fight Against ISIS: The Daily Show


ON LAST NIGHT’S SHOW WE TALKED
ABOUT THE CLIMATE SUMMIT IN PARIS AND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO
THE FUTURE OF MAN KIND. BUT NOW I KNOW WE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING MUCH MORE DANGEROUS.>>WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE
EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO MAN KIND FROM GLOBAL WARMING. YOU KNOW, GRADUALLY IN THE
FUTURE, WHAT ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU SAW THOSE
AMAZON DRONES DELIVERING THE PROTOTYPES, DELIVERING GOODS TO
PEOPLE’S HOMES. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ISIS GETS A
DRONE AND PUTS A BOMB ON IT AND FLIES IT SOME PLACE.>>Trevor: YEAH, YEAH. WHY
TALK ABOUT THE REAL THING THAT COULD GRADUALLY DESTROY
CIVILIZATION OVER TIME WHEN WE COULD BE TALKING ABOUT THE MORE
IMMEDIATE THING THAT I’M MAKING UP RIGHT NOW. I’M SORRY, ISIS BOMBS ON AMAZON
DRONES? OH, AND EVEN WORSE WHAT IF ISIS
GETS THEIR HANDS ON AN AMAZON PRIME ACCOUNT. OH, IT WILL BE
FREE-TWO-DAY SHIPPING ON BOMBS IN NEW YORK, SAME DAY. ADD TO CART. PEOPLE ARE RIGHT, WE SHOULD BE
WORRIED ABOUT ISIS. THEY’RE THE WORLD’S MOST FEARED
TERRORISTS AND EVEN WORSE THEY HAVE RUINED THE REPUTATION OF
LEMON ISIS WHOSE ONLY GOAL IS TO SPREAD FROSTY TART DESSERTS
ACROSS THE MIDDLE EASTED. AND FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH, ISIS IS
GETTING PLENTY OF NEW ATTENTION.>>MORE U.S. SPECIAL OPERATIONS
FORCES ARE NOW HEADING TO IRAQ AND TO SYRIA.>>IN FULL COORDINATION IN THE
GOVERNMENT OF IRAQ WE’RE DEPLOYING AN SPECIALIZED
EXPEDITIONARY TARGETING FORCE TO ASSIST IRAQI AND KURDISH
PESHMERGA FORCES AND PUT EVEN MORE PRESSURE ON ISIL.>>Trevor: YES, THE U.S. IS
GOING AFTER ISIS IN FULL COORDINATION WITH THE
GOVERNMENT OF IRAQ. THAT’S KIND OF KEY HERE. YOU CAN’T REMOVE A TOXIC ELEMENT
WITHOUT THE FULL COOPERATION OF THE BODY IT’S INFECTING. ISN’T THAT RIGHT, MY APPENDIX! YOU WERE THE ISIS OF MY DIE
GUESS TIFF SYSTEM. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT THIS PLAN. FULL COORDINATION WITH THE
GOVERNMENT OF IRAQ. THAT SEEMS LIKE THE MOST
IMPORTANT PART OF THE WHOLE OPERATION BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT,
I DON’T THINK I’D DO THIS.>>IRAQ PRIME MINISTER HAIDER AL
ABADI SAID HIS FORCES WERE CAPABLE OF DEFEATING ISIS
WITHOUT THE HELP OF FOREIGN COMBAT TROOPS.>>ANY FOREIGN FORCE WHICH
ENTERS IRAQ WILL BE VIEWED AS AN INVADING FORCE.>>Trevor: AH! SEE, I ALWAYS KNEW THE INVASION
OF IRAQ WOULD ONE DAY COME BACK TO BITE THE U.S. I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT. SO IRAQ HAS DECIDED THAT THEY
CAN TAKE ON ISIS BY THEMSELVES. AND THEY’RE NOT GOING TO BE THE
ONLY ONES TRYING TO BE THE ONLY ONES.>>ANONYMOUS, THE HACKTIVIST
GROUP SHROUDED IN SECRECY, HAS DECLARED WAR ON ISIS
FOLLOWING THE ATTACKS IN PARIS.>>THIS IS A MESSAGE TO ISIS. YOU HAVE REACHED A LIMIT.>>Trevor: OH, SNAP. YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR LIMIT,
ISIS. YOUR FREE VERSION OF TERRORISM
HAS EXPIRED. IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO PAY FOR THE
PRO VERSION. COME ON, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT
ISIS HERE. HOW EFFECTIVE CAN ANONYMOUS BE.>>MORE THAN 20,000 TWITTER
ACCOUNTS BELONGING TO ISIS WERE JUST TAKEN DOWN BY ANONYMOUS. ISIS, WE WILL HUNT YOU, TAKE
DOWN YOUR SITES, ACCOUNTS, AN E-MAILS AND EXPOSE YOU.>>Trevor: I HAVE A PARTICULAR
SET OF SKILLS. WE WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. WE WILL FIND YOU. AND WE WILL MAKE YOU– MOM! I’M RECORDING A MESSAGE FOR
ISIS! BRING THE POP TARTS DOWN HERE! COME ON! HEY, ANONYMOUS, I WAS JUST JOKE
BEING THE POP TART THING. YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE VERY NICE
HACKERS, PLEASE DON’T HACK ME AND DESTROY MY LIFE. (LAUGHTER) BY THE WAY, IF YOU ARE
A CELEBRITY, NOW SAY GREAT TIME TO TAKE SOME BATHROOM NUDES
BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE ALL THE TOP HACKERS ARE BUSY WITH THIS
ISIS THING.>>THERE’S ANOTHER TECHICALLY
SOPHISTICATED GROUP FIGHTING AN ONLINE WAR WITH ISIS. THEY CALL THEMSELVES GHOST
SECURITY GROUP. IT’S LEADERS AN EX-ANONYMOUS
MEMBER, A MAN WHO CALLS HIMSELF DIGITA SHADOW.>>MY ONLINE NAME IS DIGITA
SHADOW.>>Trevor: LOOK, DIGITA
SHADOW. IF YOU WANT TO SCARE ISIS, MAYBE DON’T PICK A NAME
THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES TO SHADOW FINGERS.>>’TIS I, SHADOW FINGERS. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A
DOG AND DESTROY YOU, BONNY ISIS. OH NO, HE’S GETTING AWAY! JUST A LIGHTHEARTED JOKE,
MR. SHADOW, SIR, I’M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR HACKING. YOU HOLD ALL THE POWER IN THIS
RELATIONSHIP. PLEASE DON’T DOXX ME AND DESTROY
MY LIFE. NOW UNFORTUNATELY WE CAN’T ONLY
DEAL WITH ISIS ONLINE. IT’S NOT LIKE EVERY OTHER ASPECT
OF OUR LIVES. AND THANKFULLY THERE ARE PEOPLE
OUT THERE OFFERING PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS.>>THE NATION’S LARGEST POLICE
UNION IS PUSHING FOR SOME NFL FANS TO BE ALLOWED TO CARRY
CONCEALED WEAPONS IN STADIUMS.>>THE LETTER CITED THE RECENT
ATTACKS IN A SOCCER STADIUM IN PARIS SAYING ON DUTY POLICE
OFFICERS MAY NOT BE ABLE TO FIND AND NEUTRALIZE EVERY POTENTIAL
THREAT.>>Trevor: OH, YEAH, ARMING
FOOTBALL FANS. WHO LOOKED AT A STADIUM FILLED
WITH DRUNK DUDES SCREAMING AT ATHLETES AND THINKS, YOU KNOW
WHAT THESE GUYS NEED? GUNS. YEAH, YEAH. YOU REALLY WANT GUNS FOR THESE
EAGLE FANS WHO USE SNOW AS A WEAPON, REALLY? THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT? YOU WANT THEM TO GET SNOW. THEY USE SNOW, YOU KNOW THAT
PEACEFUL SUBSTANCE, THAT ALMOST WATER, YEAH, YEAH. AND YOU WANT THEM TO HAVE GUNS
AT GAMES NOW, THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SAYING? SORRY, EAGLES FANS, THAT YOU ARE
EAGLES FANS. (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) POLICE, I GET THE SENTIMENTS. BUT SOMETIMES THE COPS CAN’T
HELP. AN WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU HAVE
TO TURN TO SOMEBODY ELSE FOR A LITTLE PROTECTION.>>ISIS HAS A BRAND NEW
OPPONENT, THE NEW YORK MAFIA.>>THE SON OF NOTORIOUS MOB
FRANCESCO GAMBINO SAYS THEY CAN PROTECT AMERICA BETTER THAN
THE COPS.>>Trevor: I LOVE THE IDEA THAT
THE MOB IS GOING TO PROTECT AMERICA FROM ISIS. YOU CAN IMAGINE THOSE GUYS?
“HEY, ISIS, YOU GOT A NICE BURGEOING CALIPHATE HERE.
WOULDN’T IT BE ASHAME IF SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN TO IT,
CAPISCE?” APPARENTLY THERE WAS AN
ARTICLE IN “THE NEW YORK POST” THAT CLAIMED THAT THE MAFIA
CLAIMED WAR ON ISIS AND GAMBINO WENT ON FOX TO DISCUSS IT.>>THERE WAS AN ARTICLE ON “THE
NEW YORK POST,” MOST OF IT IS BULLSHIT.>>JUST AS A REMINDER, WE HAVE
KIDS WATCHING, PLEASE WATCH THE LANGUAGE THIS MORNING.>>OH, YEAH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM.>>Trevor: OH, YEAH, YEAH, THE
KIDS. I CAN’T BELIEVE I [BLEEP] OH, I’M SUCH A [BLEEP] OH, SHIT
I KEEP — HEY, MR. GAMBINO, I’M SO [BLEEP]
SORRY. OKAY, MR. GAMBINO, SO THE BIG
QUESTION IS WHAT DOES THE MAFIA HAVE TO DO WITH ISIS? AND PLEASE MAKE IT BULLSHIT.>>THE BIRTH OF THE MAFIA WAS
THE LATE 1200. AND TO PROTECT ITS CITIZENS AND
THERE WAS AN EVIL EMPIRE JUST LIKE ISIS, JUST LIKE ISIS.>>Trevor: I SEE, HE’S
DESCRIBING ANOTHER SPLINTER GROUP, ITALIAN ISIS. (LAUGHTER) YOU SEE, THE GREAT THING IN
THIS SITUATION IS THAT YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE A PART OF
AN ORGANIZATION TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. ANYONE CAN STEP UP TO FIGHT ISIS
NO MATTER HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM OR HOW RACIST YOU
ARE.>>IN TEXAS OVER THE WEEKEND A
GROUP OF PROTESTORS, SOME OF THEM ARMED, LINED UP OUTSIDE A
MOSQUE IN IRVING. SOME OF THE DEMONSTRATORS HELD
SIGNS READING STOP THE ISLAMIZATION OF AMERICA. WORSHIPERS WERE URGED TO STEER
CLEAR OF THE GROUP.>>WE ARE HERE PROTESTING SYRIAN
REFUGEES COMING TO AMERICA. PROTESTING THE ISLAMIZATION OF
AMERICA.>>Trevor: WOW. I FEEL SO BAD FOR THESE SYRIAN
REFUGEES, CAN YOU IMAGINE FLEEING OVER 7,000 MILES TO GET
AWAY FROM THIS GUY AND YOU FINALLY MAKE IT TO AMERICA AND
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU ARRIVE AT YOUR NEW MOSQUE IS
THIS GUY. THEY MUST BE A LITTLE BIT LIKE
BUGS BUNNY, NO MATTER HOW FAR THEY TRAVEL THERE IS ALWAYS AN
IDIOT WITH A BIG GUN TRYING TO HUNT THEM DOWN.

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