SUPER-HERO-BOWL! – TOON SANDWICH

SUPER-HERO-BOWL! – TOON SANDWICH


Arise, warrior. The battle is about to begin. What battle? Where am I? Hey! Where’d you get that? Put on your uniform and enter the arena. Hey, I’m not putting anything on
until you tell me where I am. Ow! OK, I’m putting it on! But only because I want to. What the heck is this place? Oh my god. Something very familiar about this. Must be a new version of the Matrix. Arr, it’s just bloody… disrespectful…! Hey! Where are we? What system is this? You are all here for one purpose. To decide, once and for all, which of you is the ultimate hero. The battle begins… now. Rorschach’s journal. Appear to have been abducted by alien species to battle fellow costumed heroes on their home world. I refuse to fight for the entertainment
of an alien species. Would not be the first time. If you refuse to fight… you agree to die. I’m sorry, Jim. SPOCK!!!! Does anyone else agree to die? I don’t want to die. I want to live. FIGHT!!! THIS… ISN’T… SPARTA!!! Expecto…! The unexpected. I’ve got you in my sight. I can half-see that. My name is Inigo Montoya. I’m Captain Jack Sparrow. The name’s Bond. James Bond. The name’s Jason Bourne. At least I think it is. I’m federal agent Jack Bauer. These initials aren’t
big enough for the three of us. Impossible! Yeah, I hear that a lot. Draw. You draw. Well, it’s not my best work. Adamantium cuts vibranium. Dammit! I failed Fictional Chemistry. Stay. Just my luck. The wrong planet at the wrong time. Quicksilver! You… idiot. Ugh, you are so lucky you don’t have a brother. Tell me about it. I’m an orphan and a widow. Christmas at my place? Flame on! Flame off. Die, white-walker! Die, Snow. Die, tribute. Die, orc. Die, sky-people! ‘Sup! We’re the real Guardians of the Galaxy! No no – wait! I’m not an alien – I’m human! Gahh! Why won’t this helmet come off?? I am groot! FREEDOM!!! Yes! I finally killed Bill. Ahhh, so satisfying. He has a particularly good set of skills. Want to trade shields? What the hell? Hey man, you’re the one who put a target on it. This belongs in a museum. That’s why I shoot first. Time to die, replicant! How dare you, sir! Get off my playing field! You’re all under arrest. Hasta la vista, babies. Get away from me if you want to live! Dracarys. Come on! T-800, meet Mark 46! I hope this can be buffed out. Seeya later, Terminator! Ugh! You mated with a space slug? Your master cannot help you now. Use the Force, Rey! Let go. YEEHA! I’m finally living up to my name! Two for one! I’m coming, Scarlet! Just give me twelve days to get there. I hate bugs. Puny human. Autobots, roll out! Thank god he remembered to wear his underpants. I hate doctors. Life… is a highly overrated phenomenon. Bloody hell. He’s popped nearly everyone. Doctor Manhattan, if you truly believe life is meaningless, there’s only one way to prove it to yourself
and everyone else. Your logic is sound, Professor. Who’s gonna clean all this bluey crud up? So. It’s down to us then. Please. Not for long! Marvel as one! Thanks, Doctor Jones! You know that bats eat spiders? I always saw you as more of a fruit bat. Respect your elders. What kind of program are you? The Jedi kind. Whoa. That’s for taking all the best artifacts! Yeah, but I didn’t get to keep any of them! Funny. The last person to whip me, also wore leather. Why’d it have to be bats? Everything I own is bat-shaped. Get with it. What’s the point? They all have body armour, healing abilities
or super powers. What do we have? Bullets and bullwhips. Would you like to go tomb-raiding
with me sometime? The next tomb I raid will be yours, Jones. Dude, I’m blind! Stop. You will remove your clothing and weapons. Honey, do I look weak-minded to you? Done and done. What else has to happen? EW! You will put your clothes back on immediately! Bogus, dude. Fascinating technology. Does it come in black? No. But it comes in green. Quite emasculating. I’ve been Revenge-of-the-Sith’d! Now prepare to be Sleepy Hollow’d! That actually worked? Deadpool. You… are the ultimate hero. I’d like to celebrate by performing
a dance move I just invented. It’s called, “the torso”. Mm-ch-c-cha, ch-c-ch-c-cha-cha! Beam me up real slow, Scotty. So, while my limbs are regenerating, how ’bout we
pass the time by you explaining to me… what the hell was this all about? In time, all will be revealed. Before then, something else is needed. For as I’m sure you know, a hero… is only as good… as the villain. Que pasa? Arise, warrior. The battle is about to begin. Who’s your daddy? [HENRY JONES SR]
Junior! If you can hear me, I’m trapped in an antechamber
with four strange morons! [THE ANCIENT ONE]
Oh I’m not Strange. I’m his mentor, The Ancient One. I’m been trying to extricate us from this room
using spells from the Dark Dimension. No luck just yet. I think I’ll switch to the Milk & Hazelnut Dimension. [YODA]
Believe that Deadpool triumphed, I cannot. Weak, is he with the Force. [MORPHEUS]
I cannot believe that Neo failed. Does this mean he is not The One? Is the prophecy a lie? [GALADRIEL]
I should have stolen the Ring of Power and used it to conquer all. In place of a Dark Lord, you would have a Queen! Beautiful and terrible as the dawn! All would love me and despair! [YODA]
Do not give in to sore losing. To the Dark Side, that path leads. [GALADRIEL]
I do not take advice from deformed dwarves. [YODA]
I am a 900-year-old Jedi Master! [THE ANCIENT ONE]
900 years? You must be the Really Ancient One! [MORPHEUS]
Wait. I have a foolproof plan to free us
from not just this cell, but the entire world. Can anyone see a landline telephone anywhere? [YODA]
No.
[GALADRIEL]
No. [HENRY JONES SR]
No.
[THE ANCIENT ONE]
No. [MORPHEUS]
Well, I’m out of ideas. [YODA LAUGHS] [YODA COUGHS] [HENRY JONES SR]
This is intolerable!

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