Meta VS Carolina (Red VS Blue) | DEATH BATTLE!

Meta VS Carolina (Red VS Blue) | DEATH BATTLE!

[Rooster Teeth’s Summer of Animation Intro Red vs. Blue version] V.I.C.: Who would win in a fight? Now if that’s not the most popular question asked around Project Freelancer, I don’t know what is. Oh, no wait… It’d probably be. Hey where did these A.I. keep coming from? Or have you noticed that we’re looking pretty evil lately? Anyway, there’s been plenty of action pack punch-outs, kickass karate matches over the years but we never saw a matchup between two of our heaviest hitters: Carolina and the Meta. Let’s see if we can do something about that. Grif: Hey. Simmons: Yeah? Grif: You ever wonder who would win a fight between Carolina and the Meta? Simmons: No! Only hopeless nerds on the Internet care about that kind of crap. Grif: Uh… yeah? Why do you think I’m asking you? Come on, picture it. It’d be totally badass! Simmons: Well, yeah I…guess. Carolina would definitely win, though. Grif: Bullshit! You’re just picking her because you’re scared of girls! Meta’s WAY scarier. He threw a WARTHOG at me! Simmons: Ooh! I didn’t realize scariness was the deciding factor in a fight to the f***ing death… Genius. Caboose: Hey Reds… what are you talking about? Simmons: Oh Grif was just asking what would happen if Carolina and the Meta fought. Caboose: Fought who? Simmons: One another. Caboose: Another who? Simmons: What? Caboose: What? Grif: Just ignore him. Caboose: Ohhhh! You mean DEATH BATTLE! Simmons: I mean… sure? Caboose: Oh! Awesome! Hang on, I know some smart people that can help! Be right back! Simmons: Do you have any idea what’s he talking about? Grif: No. But I do know that you’re still f***ing wrong. Caboose: Okay I’m back! Grif: That was fast. Caboose: Yep, I called Command and they sent two of their best scientist fighting people to help us! Simmons: Their best…? Really? Boomstick: And that’s how you write your name in buckshot. Wiz: All right, all right, enough screwing around. We got a job to do. Boomstick: Oh fine. Grif: I think you’re forgetting that Command’s “best” is just a step up from “incompetent”. Simmons: They sent us Donut. Grif: I rest my case. Caboose: Introducing… Jizz and Broomstick! Wiz: It’s “Wiz” and “Boomstick”. Grif: Wow, those are the dumbest names I’ve ever heard. Simmons: Franklin. Delano. Donut. Grif: …And I retract my previous statement. Boomstick: Yeah, you’ve got the dumbest face I’ve ever seen. Grif: Uh, I thought you were supposed to be smart. I’m wearing a helmet. Caboose: Oh my God, me too! Simmons: Alright, so how do you guys do this? You just, like, draw names out of a hat? Count some chicken bones around? Wiz: It’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE. Simmons: Why did you say it like that?! Boomstick: Just…j-just watch. (Cues: Invader – Jim Johnston) Wiz: Before there was Red vs. Blue, there was Project Freelancer. The Freelancers were highly-trained soldiers with experimental weaponry and a mission so secret, not even THEY knew what it was. Boomstick: Kind of stupid in hindsight, but these were true soldiers. The biggest and strongest of them all was Agent Maine. Wiz: Maine was the muscle of the team, relying on his brute strength, wrestling styles and his unwavering ferocity to intimidate and crush his foes. Boomstick: While he likes carrying a M6G Magnum pistol into battle, He really likes a certain alien grenade launcher he stole, the Type-25 Grenade Launcher, A.K.A. the Brute Shot. I mean, seriously, look at this thing! It’s got a blade AND can fire up to four rounds in three seconds. Let’s test that, shall we? Grif: Hey! That’s mine! Give it back! [Fires the Brute Shot] Grif: AH-AAH!! AAH!! Boomstick: (sigh) Well, in conclusion, I love this thing. So, the guy was a badass fighter. Too bad Project Freelancer ended up turning him into a monster. Wiz: Long story short, the director of Project Freelancer received a rare artificial intelligence for testing. Boomstick: The director imagined an army of super soldiers paired with A.I.s but he can only get the one. Wiz: Being the… resourceful scientist he was, the director decided to torture the A.I., forcing it to separate its raw emotion into multiple personalities to save itself. These personalities were captured as individual A.I. fragments and paired with different freelancers. Trust me, that’s science. Boomstick: Maine was given Sigma, the A.I fragment representing ambition and creativity. And apparently, being creative means you’re f***ing evil. Wiz: Desperate to gather his fellow A.I fragments and reform into a perfect A.I., Sigma manipulated and brainwashed Maine, turning him into the murdering psychopath known as the Meta. Boomstick: The Meta went on a rampage, betraying his fellow Freelancers and stealing their A.I.s. It was like the Predator, but bigger, meaner and with tons of overpowered equipment. Wiz: His Domed Energy Shield creates a nigh impregnable force field. Boomstick: It can block bullets, explosions and even shells from tanks. Allow us to demonstrate. Here’s Grif inside a energy shield… Grif: Yeah so. Boomstick: …and here’s a tank operated by Caboose. Caboose: And What could go wrong? Grif: Oh shit. Caboose: Fire in the hole, 8-1. [Fires the tank and it reflects.] Grif: Phew! Boomstick: Let’s try that again blue buddy. Caboose: Yes sir, Captain Deadpan! [The domed energy shield explodes] Grif: Huh? Wait it ran out of– GYAAAH!!! Boomstick: Now, if the energy shield HAD been there, Grif would’ve been fine. Caboose: Wow. Science is fun! Simmons: I’ve said it for years! Wiz: As if that weren’t enough, The Meta’s Active Camouflage turns him practically invisible, his Strength Boost enhancement grants him, well, super strength, and, most impressively, his Temporal Distortion device can slow time to a crawl. Boomstick: He can turn invisible AND stop time? This guy sounds unstoppable! Wiz: Unfortunately, running so much equipment alongside so many A.I. fragments consumes a LOT of power. But, that hasn’t stopped him from killing several Freelancers and stealing seven other A.I.s. Boomstick: Not to mention the dude can take a hit and keep on going, even when that hit is taking nine shots point-blank to the neck. Man, and I thought my voice made my throat hurt. No wonder he never talks. Wiz: The only thing that could stop him was when a couple of idiots stabbed him in the chest, tied him to a car, and threw that car off a cliff into the freezing ocean. Boomstick: But let’s be fair, Wiz, that’s a pretty f***ing hardcore way to go. Grif: Hey, wait a minute! Where’d you get all this footage? Have you been spying on us? Wiz: Don’t worry about it. Wiz: Leading the troops of Project Freelancer. Agent Carolina was, supposedly, the best of the best. She commanded the team through many successful misions, mastered several martial arts, and her top spot on the leaderboard seemed untouchable. Boomstick: Until a mysterious stranger showed up out of the blue and ruined everything. But we’ll get to that later. Carolina carries a wider variety of weapons than most Freelancers. Over the course of her career, she’s favored the standard Magnum pistol, dual plasma rifles, a grappling hook which can operate in outer space, a humbler stun device which is basically a shock baton, and a long range BR55 Battle Rifle. It’s not as flashy as a shotgun, but it’s got an impressive range of over 3000 feet. [Boomstick shoots Grif with the Battle Rifle] Grif: Oww!! Why me!? Boomstick: It just feels right. Wiz: Like many other Freelancers, Carolina also possesses an A.I. companion, several, actually. But for this matchup, we’ll be focusing on the time she spent with Epsilon, the memory of the original alpha A.I. the Director fragmented. It’s also known as “Church”. Like the other A.I. fragments, Epsilon experiences time 205 times slower than a human being and therefore drastically speeds up Carolina’s thoughts and reaction time. Boomstick: Too bad he’s kind of an asshole, and by kind of, I mean, that’s basically his thing. Church: Guys, I’m an asshole. Boomstick: In her post-Freelancer career, Carolina made it her mission to track down as much experimental armor equipment as possible. And let me tell you, she did a pretty damn good job. Like Maine, she managed to acquire the Domed Energy Shield, but also picked up Adaptive Camouflage, a Speed Boost, and a Healing Unit. Wiz: Unfortunately, just one A.I. fragment isn’t enough to run all this equipment at once. In battle, if Carolina’s not careful, she can accidentally push Epsilon too far and essentially short circuit him. Boomstick: Yeah, for a leader, she’s kind of hot-headed and super-competitive. Like when Agent Texas joined the Freelancer crew and started showing her up, Carolina started making a lot of stupid mistakes. Wiz: There’s a lot going on here. Turns out, the Director was Carolina’s father all along and Tex was actually the A.I. fragment memory of his deceased wife, meaning Carolina’s greatest rival for her father’s approval was actually her own mother. Grif and Simmons: (In unison) Wait, WHAT?! Grif: You’re making that up! Wiz: You guys didn’t know that? Where have you been? Pay attention. Caboose: Ah, yeah seriously, guys, it’s like super obvious. Simmons: Huh. Suddenly, everything makes a lot more sense. Grif: F***, dude. Remember when all we used to do was stand around and talk? Simmons: Yeah, good times. Grif: Good times… [Boomstick beats up Grif with his Brute Shot.]
Grif: Oww… Boomstick: Heh heh, still love this thing. Wiz: Regardless, Carolina is one tough woman. She’s defeated several other Freelancers, saved an entire planet from civil war, and once blocked the shock wave of a nuclear explosion. Boomstick: She and Epsilon were even skilled enough to track down dear old Dad after he went into hiding just to help him kill himself. Geez, that got dark real fast. Santa: WHO. ARE. YOU? Carolina: I’m your true warrior. Wiz: All right, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Yeah! Carolina: Time. Church: Oh, yeah, just point zero three milliseconds too slow. Looks like I’m picking the movie tonight. Carolina: Ugh, can it NOT be another garbage action movie? Church: Oh come on, they’re hilarious. Everyone talks in one-liners, the plot’s non-existent. It’s like the characters are just there to beat the shit out of each other. Uh oh. Carolina: What is it? Church: Uhhh… I think we’re about to have company. Carolina: Maine? Church: Not exactly. [The Meta’s A.I. fragments appear and tell Meta to kill Carolina and take her AI.] Church: OK, if we win, you can totally pick the movie. Announcer: FIGHT! Church: Not working! Carolina: I can see that! GRRRAH!!!! GRAAAH! Church: You sure you can’t set that thing to kill? Meta: (Growls) Carolina: Just hold on! [Meta fires the Brute Shot] Carolina: GRRRRAH! [Carolina fires the Battle Rifle against Meta. And Meta activates the Domed Energy Shield.] [Meta activate the Active Camouflage.] Carolina: Church, where is he? Church: I’m on it, scanning…. ….your left! [The Meta appears and slashes Carolina’s Battle Rifle in half.] Carolina: Aah! AAH!! Aah! Ugh! Aah! AAAH!!! Church, I need Armor Enhancements. Church: Which ones? Carolina: ALL OF THEM! [Carolina activates Armor Enhancements.]
Church: Uh, that doesn’t seem like a good ideaAAAAHHHHH!!!!! [Meta uses Temporal Distortion to stop Carolina in midair.] Church: Huh? …Aw shit. [Meta then pulls out his Brute Shot and knocks Carolina into a wall.] Carolina: AHHHH! Church: Dammit! OK, uhhh, focusing on the Healing Unit, I got you. Carolina, can you hear me? You got him! Meta: [Growls] Church: OK, seriously, what the F***? [Carolina reloads her pistol as she tries to shoot at Meta again, but Meta throws his Brute Shot as it slashes Carolina.] Carolina: AAAH!! Church: Hey, hey wait wait wait! Wait, hold up. Meta: (growls)
A.I.s:[It’s him] Church: Uhhh, hey, so I know you’re about to pummel her ginger face in and all, but you also talk in grunts, so I’m just gonna say this one line for you, okay? Just this one time. Oh! Son of a Bitch! [Carolina shoots at Meta’s head blowing it off completely.] Announcer: KO! Carolina: Church? Church: Yeah? Carolina: No action movies. Grif: Holy shit!! Caboose: I know! He did not even have a head under his helmet! He was a ghost the whole time! Simmons: I told you, I TOLD you! Caboose: (under his breath) Like Bruce Willis… Grif: Bullshit! Meta’s stronger. He should’ve won! Wiz: Not true, Grif. As the Freelancer leaderboard proves, strength isn’t everything. Carolina’s mastery of martial arts let her hold her own, and her use of equipment allowed her to match and even counter The Meta’s. He may have gained an upper hand with his Temporal Distortion, but Carolina’s Healing Unit quickly repaired damage done during the attack. Boomstick: Even though The Meta had all that powerful equipment, it drained his suit’s energy way too fast. Carolina tried to use all of her equipment at once and failed. Luckily, she had Epsilon to change tactics and focus on recovery. Wiz: Which brings us to what is perhaps the most important factor of the fight: the relationship between Freelancer and artificial intelligence. The Meta was brainwashed and manipulated by eight different A.I., effectively filling his head with an unintelligible mess of voices and commands. In contrast, Carolina and Epsilon work together as partners with a mutual trust, both capable of making judgment calls to make up for each other’s weaknesses. Grif: Whatever. I still say it should’ve been the Meta. Wiz: Says the guy who can’t tell the difference between a car and a Puma. Grif: I can tell the difference! It was a matter of comparison! Boomstick: The Meta just couldn’t get ahead of his competition. Wiz: The winner is: Agent Carolina. Sarge: Hey! What in Sam Hill are you boys doing here, fraternizing with the blue devil and a… Who the hell are these dirtbags? Wiz: Wha-ho! Easy there, sir. We’re just here from Command! Boomstick: Hey, nice shotgun! I like the cut of your jib! Sarge: Hehehhe. Well, whaddaya know? Someone who has an eye for the finer things in life! Boomstick: Hoho, you better believe it. Sarge: Y’know, you remind me of someone– Almost like the son that I…never wanted… Boomstick: Well, that’s funny. I was about to say you’re like the Pappy I never had. When I was a kid, he ran out on us to join the Army and never came back. Sarge: Huh. Weeeell… how about that? Time to move along, I guess. Nothing to see here. Do-do-do Do-di-do. Boomstick: What a nice guy. We had an absolute blast workin’ on the episode. If you haven’t already… Please be sure to check out the full series of Red vs. Blue on Wiz: If you enjoyed this episode please like, subscribe and share it with your friends. Boomstick: And follow us on social media so you’re up to date on the latest DEATH BATTLE details. Just follow the links in the description. Wiz: Thanks for watching. Boomstick: NEXT TIME ONNNN DEATH BATTLE! Cammy: Target Acquired. Sonya: You and me, right now! [Rooster Teeth Outro]


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