KICKING A BABY?! | Would You Rather #8


Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to Would You Rather! Now, I’m gonna do this with as logical reasoning as I possibly can. I’m gonna take these suggestions as being very literal in their meaning so when this first one comes up, “Would you rather have triplets, or be a triplet”, I’m assuming that it means I have to birth the triplets either out of my butt, or out of my dong. And both of those don’t seem like good options to me so, I’ll be a triplet. I’ll def- if there were three Markipliers, which who knows, maybe I’m one of them – considering I’m still a child, but anyway, I’ll be a triplet. I don’t wanna have to deal with that and I don’t wanna have to spontaneously grow a vagina to be forced to deal with that so I’m not gonna do that. Would you rather “Save the Library of Alexandria from burning” or “Know what happened to Atlantis”? Okay, number one: Atlantis blew up, who the fuck cares? It’s lost. It’s gone, who cares? It just sank into the sea. Make up whatever bullshit you want. That’s what happened. It was really cool the way it disappeared. Whatever. But if you save the Library of Alexandria from burning, There was so much knowledge in the Library of Alexandria There was ludicrous amounts of knowledge that was lost. It would change the entire course of human history. At this point in time, if the Library of Alexandria was still around and continued to exist, then there’s every possibility that we would be even farther along in the technology progression – if this is Age of Empires – then we are now. Who knows what could happen, or maybe nothing but it’s better than knowing what happened to Atlantis. Oh come on! Atlantis sank, who cares, it was abducted by aliens, It got blown off into space, they made a nuke and blew themselves to shit. It was actually a city of aliens and then they just decided, “Oh these humans are fucking idiots” “We’re the fuck outta here.” That’s what fucking happened, who cares!? Gah! Would you rather, “Drink a cup of blood” or “Drink a cup of urine?” Okay, urine is sterile. Who knows where that blood’s from? Who knows what’s in that blood? Gross, not gonna do that. I’ll take the cup of piss. Never thought I’d say w- You stupid shitbags! Oh, I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not animal blood It doesn’t specifically say – it says “Cup of blood” As far as I know, that’s one blood cell from every creature that has blood Whereas if I get a cup of piss, No matter, if it’s aardvark piss, if it’s elephant piss, If it’s human piss, if it’s dog piss, If it’s… I don’t know, praying mantis piss – I don’t know if they even piss – but if it is, I know it’s sterile and there’s nothing wrong with it. Would you rather “Kill 5 people with a knife” or “Shoot 10 people to death”? I don’t know the context of this but what I do know from a very logical standpoint is if you were trying to kill people, a knife is a really brutal way to do it because you have to look them in the eye. Unless you’re stabbing them in the back, but you got to get really close to them and that makes it just more personal so I’m not gonna – I’m not gonna do that. Although the volume thing, but you know. I guess if I have to, I’d do five, but I don’t think I could Ewww Would you rather, “Eat a Zombie” or “Be eaten by a zombie”? Okay, I’m assuming that by “be eaten by a zombie” you mean that I’m awake, I’m “Ahh, oh my intestines! I hope they taste bad for you” Or, eat a zombie, potentially become horrifically infected and I’m assuming that if you eat a zombie, you’re gonna become like one of those super zombies I think that’s how it works. I mean, either way, I’m gonna die I might as well become a cool super-zombie I suppose. I mean, I don’t know if that’s actually the outcome, but if I’m gonna be a zombie or dead, I’ll take “Eat a zombie” Who knows? Maybe they taste good? Maybe they taste great? Maybe cannibalism is fun!? Would you rather, “Save Tupac’s life” or “See Jesus for 2 hours” Who said Tupac is dead? Hmm? Yeah, I’ll save him. I’d save Tupac. [Markiplier chuckling] Would you rather, “Kick a baby full force” or “Kick 2 baby koalas to death” So, it’s either kick a baby to death or kick a koala to death. Two, two baby koalas. I don’t see a way out of this one It seems pretty cut-and-dry. I don’t think there’s a way out of this one I probably gotta kill some koalas or else I’m gonna look like a monster Ehh, who am I kidding – I said I’d punch babies in the face before Like, why am I worried about kicking a baby – oh god Ahh, I guess there’s no guarantee that it’s gonna kill the baby. Leading up to this kick, I would go around in a wheelchair Like full-time so that my legs atrophy and I can’t actually use them And then I’d just have to, like, pick up my leg by my arm and kinda swing it like a rope. Poof! And like, give it a little kick on its butt. That’s what I’d do. Oh, yeah. That’s right. I wanted to kick the baby. Aah, shit. Now that choice is burned into everybody’s mind. Would you rather, “Get Swine Flu” or “Get West Nile”? The quote there says, “you may die” but in order to get full context, I need to get the actual symptoms of Swine Flu and West Nile. Alright, what is Swine Flu? Symptoms include: fever, cough, sore throat, chills, and body aches, pain in muscles, can be dry cough, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, honestly, that sounds like the flu. It doesn’t sound all that bad. Why am I worried about that? Alright, how about West Nile? Fever, headaches, body aches, skin rash, swollen lymph nodes, severe symptoms: stiff neck, sleepiness, disorientation, coma tremors, convulsions, and paralysis. Well, that’s obviously worse! Well, that’s a hundred percent worse! I’ll take the Swine Flu, bring it on! Would you rather, “Live in an abandoned bomb shelter” or “Live in an isolated tower”? I am going to go – oh bunkers like Brendan Frasier’s cinematic masterpiece, “Blast from the Past” which I have never seen but I can only assume that it is [smooching sounds] quality Towers like Rapunzel but no one comes to visit you or save you You have commodities and access to Hulu but over dial-up in both situations. Well, I’m stuck with Hulu. Fuck. I mean, if the tower was like, some old radio tower, and I was able to broadcast like my radio show from up there, that would be kinda cool but seems like the tower is – uh – like Rapunzel which means it’s made of stone and filled with books and boredom. So I’m gonna go with Brendan Frasier’s cinematic masterpiece, “Blast from the Past” bunker because that sounds cool And maybe I could gift everybody with my lyrical soft voice throughout the radio waves as I’m slowly going mad and masturbating – not particularly in that order. I’ll take the shelter I guess. Would you rather, “Have sex with a fat ugly person” or “Have sex with a hot person that has an STD”? This is why they make condoms! *stuttering* It’s… I just… It’s the purpose of the thing It’s the purpose of it! Is this a problem? And I’m assuming this is a one time thing. This only seems like a one time thing, so like… If I have the choice and it’s right in front of me, I’m gonna take the Imma bag it up! Would you rather, “Have a huge head and a small neck” or “Have a huge neck and a small head”? Okay, this is a matter of engineering. So I’m gonna approach this logically. If you have a large head and a small neck, it’s structurally unstable. It’s just not possible to keep it up there and have it in any sort of stability. If you get hit, in any capacity, in the neck-shoulder area, Your head is literally gonna pop clean off of your neck and go flying and you’re dead. If you have a very thick, sturdy neck with a very small head you’re like a missile, you’re gonna cruise in there. You gotta go for football, you’re gonna be great at it because you’re never gonna get any head injuries on there, or at least neck injuries You can still bash your brain around, but you know, you’re gonna be built like a tank and that’s what I’d rather have. I’d rather be short, ugly, and strong than huge-headed and vuln- Is that already me? I think I got the option of getting a huge neck and a huge head I got the best of both worlds! Okay anyway, I’ll take the huge neck, please. Thank you Okay, everybody. Everybody’s not thinking logically about this. All those people are gonna be… Their necks are gonna snap the second they walk out the door. If you were a woman, would you rather, I’m not even gonna answer the “if you were a woman” Would you rather, “have a vagina on your right hand”, or “a vagina on your neck”? And I’m gonna assume it’s in an inconvenient location. Like, not front or back, side or side – It’s like over here. No, it’s over here on the back a little bit. Nah, it’s under here, like weirdly placed and high up on the neck. Like, just very inconvenient – like almost on the chin but that’s where a vagina is or on your right hand. I know this looks like my left hand, but it’s my right – trust me Like, don’t look too into this – that’s my right hand. Because the way the camera does – it flips the image so like it’s – it’s my right hand. I’m not an idiot here, it’s all righty I know righty from lefty – okay, I know that didn’t help at all, but to you, lefty looks like left I’m getting away from the topic. Let’s get back to the vaginas. I think this would be fine. Because you could either wear scarves your whole life or wear a glove. It makes hand jobs real easy I guess. I’ll take the hand vagina. Which is another thing that I wouldn’t have thought that I would have to shout out Aloud. On the Internet. To over a million people. Would you rather, “Be extremely unattractive” or “Be extremely attractive, but have a hand that smells perpetually like poop”? Does this relate to the previous vagina one but instead of a vagina it’s just a butthole? Because I can cover that shit up with a glove like just the same – I’d be hot as hell and I have a butthole hand. Sounds like the winner in my book. Wow, would you rather, “have all the phobias known to mankind” or “have to slowly skin your family and pets alive”? So the one is like a lifelong phobia of everything You’re literally afraid of everything, mortally fear. Your skin crawls no matter where you look and you can’t close your eyes because you’re afraid of the dark and you’re afraid of being alone, but you can’t be around people because you’re afraid of crowds. Like, all that bullshit – or have to skin your family and pets alive. And they’re probably gonna die from that. That’s mostly assured. So it’s either a lifelong thing or a one day event of terror. I’ll leave that one up to you guys because I don’t wanna answer it. So thank you everybody so much for watching Let me know what your answer to this horrible dilemma is down in the comments below. Thanks again everybody for watching, and as always, I will see you In the next video! Buh-bye! [outro music]

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