Comedian Nate Bargatze Is Cool With Fighting McDonald’s Employees
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Comedian Nate Bargatze Is Cool With Fighting McDonald’s Employees


just above y’all just for Laughs comedy
festival kevin harvick get all that shit up here I owe some pretty dumb guy
pretty dumb it’s fine them Evan I had here’s my proof if you need this you
don’t know I don’t think you need proof but if you need it my first job when I
was 15 I worked at in Nashville natural used to have a theme park called opulent
theme park so I worked there and one day I was eating lunch and this couple sits
down and we meet each other and I was like hey my name is nate and they’re
like the guy goes my name is John this is my wife Jane and her last name is doe
he was like we’re John and Jane Doe and I was like blown away I was like are you
serious dude is that can you even do that he’s like
we’re doing it you know I don’t know like blown away couldn’t believe it cut
to when I was 35 I was driving and I just started randomly thinking about
meeting John and Jane Doe and I was like you know what I bet they were lying to
me about that that’s how long it took 20 years for me to catch on yeah I bet they
were lying to you about that I even I’ve looked him up I googled him I tried and
yeah turns out they were murdered that’s what
I found out and you know that’s what you get for lying to kids
that’s what happens I still don’t know who did it
I’ve traveled a bunch I’ve been in a bunch of different countries Canada
discounts to something you know right now another country
it’s tits fun I’m the worst – I don’t know where countries around I learned
about Tennessee and then I learned to buy the states that touched us in case
they attacked and that was it yeah we’re like that’s more than enough
we I’ve been to Honduras I’ve been there of a pretty big fan base there and it
goes I guys had a some this show was in Honduras you wouldn’t have even got in
so yeah just be happy that we’re not there are there no it was no I
it was a USO tour and we go and I went to the airport I told the guy was like
I’m going to Honduras and the guy was like what city and it was like I thought
that was the city so just wherever you think I would be going you know a guy
just a guy that looks like me wherever you think he would go
and wheel and a guy picks us up he’s driving us to the army base and on the
way there he was like look there’s a couple things you have keep an eye out
for like when you go to bed at night you got to check your bed for spiders like
spiders hide in your bed he’s basically just like you’re not gonna sleep hope
that’s cool and then he was like there’s a lot of snakes too a lot of venomous
snakes so keep an eye out for snakes but if you do get bit by a snake the best
thing to do is just go ahead and just catch the snake and then bring it with
you to the doctor and you’ll be like this is a snake that bit me and I was
just like well I’m probably not going to do that part of it you know does it give me a kitchen snake do down
here called a snake in my life you may get bit that I gotta get it together and
catch a snake for the first time it’s not gonna go good he’s gonna keep biting
me that’s all it’s gonna happen and he was like it doesn’t matter you’ve
already been bit I think I don’t know if you know what a snake is because it
completely matters there’s a huge difference between one bite and probably
30 bytes which is what we will be at if I try to catch this snake who told you
to tell me this this snake is that what he said – whose side are you on
I did I eat I’m trying to get like I’ve not eaten good since I’ve been here I
don’t but it’s not here I also don’t eat good at home it’s just like you know
it’s just into like I like all chain stuff I like walks around today I just
wanted to find like you have a Dairy Queen and I was just like that’s great
like I just wanted something you know that’s doing real good in America as
well like that’s all I just like bets those the places are where I’m like oh
yeah that’s gonna be like regular stuff it’s not good then I got a McDonald’s a
lot I take buddies I go I got a buddy of mine that’s a comedian
his name’s Louis J Gomez and me and Louis went to McDonald’s to go eat once
I’m a big fan and every time I take someone with dolls – they’re always like
I’ve been here in forever so don’t act like I’m the one keeping them afloat all
right you know people people go in here so me
and Louis we go in we ordered our food we take our food we sit down at our
table and then Louis went to the bathroom he left me alone with his food
so I was like you know what I’m gonna play a prank on him so I grabbed his
hamburger I unwrapped it I took a bite out of it and then I wrapped it back up
put it back down on his tray so that’s my big prank right when he comes back
from the bathroom I’ll beg to do they eat your burger before they gave it to
you that’s crazy that they’re doing that right is that crazy
it’s a dumb prank it’s harmless it should never leave the table all that
should happen is Louis should come back he should open his burger his first
reaction should be to look at his best friend who’s sitting with them who also
by the way dabbles in comedy and just be like hey I just wanted to run this by
you before I unexpectedly go freak out on this entire McDonald’s that’s what I
thought would go down just a little hey did you touch my food the only time I
was out of my sight I just want to know before I try to fight a group of people
that are gonna be pretty confused on why they’re fighting but instead I got to
learn them fridge with a lunatic and a guy comfortable fighting McDonald’s
employees because he opened his burger and could not have ignored me quicker
like he looked at him so fast almost like he expected them to do it like it’s
happened before and he’s like again again with this I will fight all of each
other find out who ate my burger and he gets up starts walking towards them I
can’t believe this is working like we have gotten so much farther than I’m
prepared to get so I just grabbed my go do that your
burger ID like why would you not look at me once to see if I did this and he sits
down and it’s weird like everybody’s looking at us it takes ten minutes for
people to quit filming us with their phones and it just hits me I just start
things do doesn’t care out of your mind man I was like you can get killed one
day like this let’s pretend let’s pretend I’m not here let’s pretend that
someone did eat your burger that worked at this McDonald’s you were gonna go
blindly fight that guy not even try to size him up see what he looks like do
you really think you could beat up a guy that is apparently pretty confident in
himself that he’s making burgers he’s then eating them and then he’s wrapping
them up and just sending them out to whoever you don’t think that guy’s
probably the greatest fighter of all time I think you’re gonna walk to that
McDonald’s counter anybody create my burger and all the McDonald’s employees
are gonna part ways they know exactly who you’re talking about and the very
back of your seat guy cracking his neck he’s got his fist in the fryer doesn’t
even know it just warmin and uh all right thank you guys so much
you guys were great

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Author: Timothy Logan

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