Charlize Theron Will Kick Your Ass // Omaze

Charlize Theron Will Kick Your Ass // Omaze


Hey. Yeah, you. I’m talking to you, you piece of ****. I’m gonna kick your ass. And I don’t mean some choreographed movie fight. It’s going to be filthy, because Charlie Knuckles plays the dirty game, and she’s gonna run up the score on you. I don’t know where. I don’t know when. But I’m going to find you, and I’m going to light your ass up like the Fourth of July. Maybe you and your family are driving home from dinner one night, and suddenly your car screeches to a halt, and steam rises from your hood. Ooh, looks like someone poured diesel into your car’s gas tank. Who was it? It was me. Academy Award-winning actor Charlize Theron. And I’m walking out of the darkened forest shrieking like an actual banshee, ready to wear you like a shoe. Or I might show up at your office, bring a few donuts for your coworkers and have ’em cheer me on as I tune you like a ****ing cello. Try. Please, call the cops. Come on, please. And then tell them I’m about to get buckwild, and there’s not a damn thing they can do because I’m Charlize **********ing Theron. Director: Uh, Charlize. Yeah, what? Director: The winner’s actually gonna work out with you. Like you’re gonna kick their ass by exercising really hard… with a trainer. Oh, ****. That makes way more sense. Um, yeah. Sorry about that, guys. So scratch all that other stuff from before. We will fly you and a friend out and put you up in a really nice hotel, and we’ll train together. It’ll be so fun. And the best part is every donation benefits (RED)’s fight to end AIDS. Enter now at omaze.com/charlize, and I’ll see you at the gym. God, I thought that was weird that you guys wanted me to beat the crap outta someone. I mean, I was kind of excited. We’re not rolling anymore, right? Are we rolling? Okay, ’cause I really wanted to **** somebody up. I don’t know why.

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