【東方ASMR】 English「Cirno Roleplay」(BAKA, BAKA!)


Whew, finally. Perfect if I say so myself! Every good hot spring should be accompanied by a sign that’s just as good And I’ve never seen a sign gooder than this! Cirno’s Perfectly Chilled Hot Spring is open for business and ready for money! Ah, I can hear it now! The sound of flowing water and money falling into my hand, it’s like music. Splish, splash, clink, clack! AH! So wonderful! Now all I need to do is wait. I’m sure the news of my opening has reached the ears of the masses by now. Soon enough I’ll have a line so big it will go to the human village. I’ll have so much cash, what will I do with myself? Maybe I’ll buy a throne. Maybe I’ll start with a big chair first and work my way up. It’s good to stay humble after all. Oh, I can’t wait! Bong, Bong, Bong, Bon-AAAAAAHH! Come on! Where is everyone? Where is my business, where is my line, where is my money?! I opened like four days ago! I think. Clock, how long has it been? You are very unhelpful, clock! What could be the problem here? Think, think. The water is the perfect temperature. I used twice as many nails as the blueprint said so everything is held together tight. Could it be the location? No, it can’t be. The middle of nowhere is the perfect place for a hot spring. Then… the only thing I can think of is that everyone must have died! I’m the last youkai in existence! So if everyone is dead, And they can’t pay for my hot spring, That means this was a giant waste of time! Son of a! Ow! Does this mean that if there is an incident I have to be the one to solve it? But I guess there shouldn’t be an incident unless I’m the one who causes it. Will I have to exterminate me? Wow, scary thought. Deadman walking! Spirit of the damned, as the new protector of Gensokyo I will exterminate you! Say your prayers evil being! Peeeeerfeeeeect- What? Oh, so you’re not dead? You’re just dead tired. Ah, forgive me! It’s just that you looked like a corpse and only a minute ago I was sure everyone had died So you seemed to fit the bill. So I figured I’d destroy you mercilessly and without hesitation, Just like a real shrine maiden. But you say you’re not dead. That’s good to hear Because a deadman couldn’t enjoy Cirno’s Perfectly Chilled Hot Spring recently open for business! Come in, come in! Oh come on, don’t be like that, I’ll drag you in if I have to. As a matter of fact I think I’ll just do that anyway! Come on, come on, hurry up! So, what do you think? It’s pretty cool, right? Well, jump in. Don’t say no, just jump in. You should be honored to be the first to try out my hot spring, not even I have gone in yet. Why not? It’s because I don’t have the money to pay for it yet. It’s 500¥ and I only have 100¥. But you’re going to fix that. So pay up and jump in. Stop saying no! Huh, the water? The water is fine. Here, feel for yourself. Why is it cold? Because why would someone want to get into a warm bath in the middle of summer, duh. Hot, hot spings are so weird. You stand on the world’s first Perfectly Chilled Hot Spring, a genius idea I know. So, what are you waiting for? Strip and get in. You still don’t want to. Come on, do you know how long I waited for someone to arrive? Just get in, I’ll push you if I have to! You still won’t huh. Fine. Time to switch up my approach. Hey, human. If you try it out then I’ll wash your back before you get in. How’s that sound? Surely you couldn’t say no to that. I heard you humans love having your backs washed for some reason. You still say no? You have a will of iron, and I hate it! Okay, how about a discount! I’ll make the price 400¥ instead of 500¥! 350¥? 360¥ final offer! I went back up because you refused my kindness twice. Huh, who’s that? Broomstick? Black dress? Stupidly large witches hat? Marisa, no, shoo, shoo! I told you to stop stealing the nails from the walls! I need those! Get back here or I’ll be forced to exterminate you! Ow, ow, mercy, please! Damn, she’s too strong. Bodyguard, it’s your turn! Yes you, Go get her! Don’t complain that I’m hiding behind you, you’re the bodyguard! See, look at her running away in fear of your might. You better run. I think she’s gone. Good riddance. Hey, you were pretty good back there. You had her totally running in fear. I bet that annoyed look on her face was because she knew her stealing days were over. I say we celebrate with a dip in the hot spring! You’re seriously still saying no? Okay, okay, how about I give you an employee discount? 50% off, you only have to pay 300¥, sounds good, right? Finally! Okay, okay get in. Don’t worry about your clothes, just get in. I can’t wait to see your satisfied face as you enjoy Cirno’s Perfectly Chilled Hot Spring! So, do you like it? The total freezing effect is something I added against the advice of my friends, I think it really adds to the experience. Hello? Human? Oh no, oh that’s not good. Is he dead? What should I do, HE STILL HASN’T PAID YET! Uh, Um. Ah, REIMU! Reimu should be able to do something! Hold on tight human, I’ll go get some help! Just, uh, Stay cool till then! [THANKS FOR WATCHING]

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